The problem of in-laws is the one that many wives wish did not exist in marriage. This is because it is the bane of numerous ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law have a tendency to dislike their mothers-in-law and not many daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to say about a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they may not have one if they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law tend to be seen as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the entire world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You will find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on one hand and the mother-in-law on one other hand. To have the ability to provide understand the causes of the conflict, it is pertinent to assess the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and should be put inside their right places. Thus they've formed an opinion of the in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a wife has a type and loving mother-in-law, she'd misconstrue exactly what the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife could have an illusion that after her husband marries her, he must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A person will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of the scripture, they appear to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents while he married a wife. He must continue steadily to relate with them and to offer for them. However, his relationship with them should not allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in lots of places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is really a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is really a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a member to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this system is really a member's assumed right to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the right to meddle in the marital affairs of a son except the son grants them the energy to do so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the main culprit. A son who grants rights of interference to his relations is clearly without maturity and remains in bondage to his parents i.e. tied with their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capacity to take full responsibility for one's actions and to manage one's challenges
There is a full world of difference between a healthy respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men do not seem to know this difference. A son who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has changed into a the main problem.
Some men are emotionally attached with their parents especially their mothers and here is the loop a mother-in-law takes benefit of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are usually very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may have had rough and difficult marriages inside their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace inside their children to comfort them and take care of them. They might have suffered a great deal and had borne numerous indignities to coach and talk about their children. Real estate law They'd see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a new woman appears on the scene to eliminate her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that when her son gets married, she now is one of the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to really have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will dsicover as rivalry and competition.
Therefore the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a battle for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can't be pleased or satisfied with a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy especially when the mother-in-law had a hard and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a pleased and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely interested in the welfare of the son that the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
